


after effects.

by donghyvk



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Character Death, Other, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donghyvk/pseuds/donghyvk
Summary: kyunghoon joins heechul





	after effects.

**Author's Note:**

> based on khc x mkh after effects mv

it wasn’t meant to be him.

as much as he wanted to believe it wasn’t his fault, it would be okay; it never would. it was not meant to be him. he was meant to be protected, he was meant to be loved and comforted for the rest of his life. he was not meant to die.

the scene played over in his head every waking moment, if only he’d noticed. if only he stopped him from leaving, if only he’d cared more. how much pain did he live through? how scared was he? life wasn’t fair, it’d taken the wrong brother. where was heechul now? was he looking down on him, or was he scared? he didn’t have his younger brother to protect him up there, kyunghoon had abandoned him in his last moments and now he’d left him again.

what a terrible brother he was, he couldn’t face the simple task of keeping his older half safe. he’d promised to keep him well and happy, he was meant to take care of him throughout whatever happened. he was meant to be by his side, so he never felt alone and never felt scared.

now where was he? seven feet underground that was where, just like up until the moment he left; he was alone. except now, kyunghoon wasn’t there to hold his hand, see him off and comfort him. 

what was he to do? living with the guilt was impossible, he couldn’t continue on thinking that heechul would want him to be well. not when he knew it was his sole fault he was gone, he didn’t deserve to live.

someone like him, someone who hurt other people but never got hurt themselves. surely they deserved to feel the same pain they brought upon other people? surely kyunghoon should face the same fate as his late brother for the pain he caused, the pain he caused the people who cared for the elder boy. he deserved to join him for what he’d done, those were the only thoughts going through his head.

he wore the coat his brother had left this world - he thought it smelt of his brother. he missed his warmth, his smile and how innocent he was. it was a smile he’d never get the privilege of seeing again. his only hope was that in death he’d get the privilege of seeing him again and his bright smile.

it comforted him, the idea of rejoining his brother; he wouldn’t have the be alone if kyunghoon joined him. they’d be together in death, the way it was always meant to be. how unfair was it for the brothers to live apart? they were meant to live together until the end, they were eternal brothers.

his feet were on the edge, and they were close to falling. 

was this the right thing to do? would heechul be mad that his brother’s life ended sooner than his own? he didn’t have time to think about this, he knew before long his mother would read his letter and come looking for him. he had to make his decision now, what was he to do? 

he had to do it, he had to join heechul. he wanted to see his big brother again.

he let out a deep sigh, a smile couldn’t help but grace his face. he was going to see his brother, how could he not be happy it? his feet edged closer to the building’s end. he looked down, tears finally starting to form in his eyes. he hadn’t cried over heechul’s demise yet, he didn’t feel as though he was allowed to cry. but finally tears bombarded his face, he dropped to his knees. “heechul hyung, i’m sorry i didn’t protect you. i’m sorry i was such a burden- i’m sorry i wasn’t good to you.”

his words were barely audible, but he hoped heechul could hear him. “i’m on my way to you, hyung. just wait a bit longer, i’ll be there.”

he stared down at the street below him, it was a long way down. he wondered how dying felt, would it hurt? the thought honestly didn’t phase him, he wanted to know what heechul felt. he breathed in deeply, it was time.

shutting his eyes, he scrambled to his feet. without thinking, his feet moved off the edge. his mind was completely blank as he fell, his world had fell down around him. but it was going to get better now, he was making it better. this was the only option.

he was on his way to heechul.


End file.
